Thoughts that run through my head as I hear my name "Mom" said--AGAIN:
Go ahead. Say my name one more time. I dare you.
Haven't you learned any other words by now?
Where is Dad? I know he is in the same room as you!
I know! I know! You just asked me that 2 seconds ago and I am changing a diaper right now of a baby who has just put his hand in it! YOU CAN WAIT!
Stop. Stop. Stop.
Where? Where is this "Mom" you speak of?
AHHHHHHHHHHH! (internal screaming)
How many times have you said "Mom" today? I bet I couldn't count that high.
What would you do if I wasn't here?
Are they big yet?
One day, they will be grown and out of the house and I can get my life back!
I know many feel the same way. Someone else HAS to fell the same way! Sometimes the most wonderful name in the world can sound like nails on a chalkboard after a while. But, even though I get frustrated with the constant call of my name, I also do not take it for granted. Here are some other things I think when I hear my name:
That made my day.
I love you so much!
You will never be able to understand how much I love you! Even when you have your own children, you can really only understand how much you love them!
Please, don't ever grow up!
I love that they call for me when they are hurt or sick. (I am secretly even more glad they turn to me instead of Dad, he he)
Thank you for being my kid.
I'm so proud of you!
I hope everyone can see how wonderful you are.
My heart is bursting!
I love being a Mom.
One day, they will be grown and out of the house and I will cry forever!
I really do love being a Mom and would not change a thing. I feel honored by this calling and cherish every day with them--even if its not until after they go to bed...
I write this in satirical frustration. I know many long to have this "problem" and I don't want to make light of anyone's circumstance.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Friday, June 5, 2015
Choosing Children
I love to work. I always have. When I met my husband he said he wanted 10 children and a stay-at-home wife. I laughed and said that he would have to be a stay-at-home dad because I wanted to work. I had grand delusions of rocketing through the nursing world so I could improve the lives of those in healthcare. I wanted to change the system for those who were often forgotten and improve it so more people would be satisfied in their jobs.
After Gigi (baby #2) was born, I grew restless in my job and sought an entry-level management job. The increased income was also enticing. I both loved and hated it with a passion. Nanna (baby #3) came along a little later. She was a very easy baby and it seemed like there was little interruption in our lives. We put our oldest, AJ, in Preschool and planned for the future of our children. Maybe the daycare/preschool at work that had great reviews? Maybe somewhere local so when our children began parochial school, they would know some other kids?
AJ adjusted well to the Christian preschool we eventually sent him to. He was 3, Gigi was 2, and Nanna was a baby. I worked 3-4 days a week, but not your typical hours. On at least 3 of the days I worked, the children would not see me at all. If I had classes or meetings, I may be gone even more. It didn't seem like a big deal at first, but we really noticed a difference as Nanna got older.
My sweet little baby became an emotional wreck! She switched from the most joyful child to the most difficult. Albert and mine's schedules for the children were vastly different so there was little consistency in our house. We did not want to put the other children in daycare for we both worked jobs that would allow them to be in our care all of the time. My son would rage against me on my off days and Gigi began to stutter uncontrollably. This all sounds like very obvious cries for help, but it truly took us a while to see it.
When I found out I was pregnant with Gus, I knew I had to make a change. Our lives could not go on with our children so miserable. We wanted to spend every waking moment with them (well, most of the time) so daycare was not an option. After weighing the impact of the pay cut I would have to take, we decided that it was time for a career move. I took a job as an ER nurse on nights.
Since we have made that transition, several things have changed. I now work weekend option nights so I have the weekdays free. Our children have become the children we know and love again. We are slowly working on a routine because they have never had one before. After looking at schools and all the options available, we decided it would be best to homeschool. This lack of involvement in their lives showed me how vitally important it is to spend as much time with our children as we can.
Sometimes, there is a twinge of longing to apply for that management job or start a consulting business to decrease employee turn-over. Sometimes, I yearn for the opportunities and the titles. But God has given me the important job of raising children. We chose to open ourselves up to as many children as God has planned, and with that comes different responsibilities. Albert can now focus on his business and we can help him as a family. I can instill fundamental values that are not always taught (or allowed to be taught) in our schools.
Now, I understand that this is not an option or desire for everyone. And I am not implying that if you choose to have an outstanding career that you are neglecting your children. This is simply our story. There are certainly many supportive people in our lives, but there are also many who do not understand why we choose to live as we do. I cannot say that we have an easy life, and as more children come it certainly won't get easier. It is definitely the life God has called us to, and I am so glad I finally got out of my own way to see it.
After Gigi (baby #2) was born, I grew restless in my job and sought an entry-level management job. The increased income was also enticing. I both loved and hated it with a passion. Nanna (baby #3) came along a little later. She was a very easy baby and it seemed like there was little interruption in our lives. We put our oldest, AJ, in Preschool and planned for the future of our children. Maybe the daycare/preschool at work that had great reviews? Maybe somewhere local so when our children began parochial school, they would know some other kids?
AJ adjusted well to the Christian preschool we eventually sent him to. He was 3, Gigi was 2, and Nanna was a baby. I worked 3-4 days a week, but not your typical hours. On at least 3 of the days I worked, the children would not see me at all. If I had classes or meetings, I may be gone even more. It didn't seem like a big deal at first, but we really noticed a difference as Nanna got older.
My sweet little baby became an emotional wreck! She switched from the most joyful child to the most difficult. Albert and mine's schedules for the children were vastly different so there was little consistency in our house. We did not want to put the other children in daycare for we both worked jobs that would allow them to be in our care all of the time. My son would rage against me on my off days and Gigi began to stutter uncontrollably. This all sounds like very obvious cries for help, but it truly took us a while to see it.
When I found out I was pregnant with Gus, I knew I had to make a change. Our lives could not go on with our children so miserable. We wanted to spend every waking moment with them (well, most of the time) so daycare was not an option. After weighing the impact of the pay cut I would have to take, we decided that it was time for a career move. I took a job as an ER nurse on nights.
Since we have made that transition, several things have changed. I now work weekend option nights so I have the weekdays free. Our children have become the children we know and love again. We are slowly working on a routine because they have never had one before. After looking at schools and all the options available, we decided it would be best to homeschool. This lack of involvement in their lives showed me how vitally important it is to spend as much time with our children as we can.
Sometimes, there is a twinge of longing to apply for that management job or start a consulting business to decrease employee turn-over. Sometimes, I yearn for the opportunities and the titles. But God has given me the important job of raising children. We chose to open ourselves up to as many children as God has planned, and with that comes different responsibilities. Albert can now focus on his business and we can help him as a family. I can instill fundamental values that are not always taught (or allowed to be taught) in our schools.
Now, I understand that this is not an option or desire for everyone. And I am not implying that if you choose to have an outstanding career that you are neglecting your children. This is simply our story. There are certainly many supportive people in our lives, but there are also many who do not understand why we choose to live as we do. I cannot say that we have an easy life, and as more children come it certainly won't get easier. It is definitely the life God has called us to, and I am so glad I finally got out of my own way to see it.
Thursday, June 4, 2015
A Call to Chaos
Welcome to my new blog! I know, I know--everyone has a blog. I don't care if I have one follower or a million. I really just want to get things off my chest with the occasional sympathizer telling me everything will be OK.
For those of you who don't know me, I am a control-freak to an unhealthy degree. I am bossy and I love lists, and I do not like change or spontaneity. Yet, the decisions I have made in my life are all steeped in uncertainty and chaos. For instance, I am married to a used car salesman. When we met in college, he supported himself by selling car parts on eBay and scrapping metal. He told me he would own his own car dealership one day and, by the grace of God, I believed him. That is exactly what he does-- he owns a dealership and is pretty successful. And as a person, he is incredibly spontaneous and can be severely disorganized--traits that drive me nuts! Yet, they are surprisingly attractive qualities. We also have 5 kids, ages 5 to 2nd trimester. That in itself should tell you that I have very little sanity left. I am an ER nurse--perhaps the most unpredictable of all nursing jobs. Even though I hate uncertainty, I seem to be drawn to it like a sky diver loves danger. I thrive and go mad in these very situations. I cannot explain why, because I am certainly a planner and perhaps a little OCD. The only reason that I think I am pulled to this madness is that God must be saving me from myself--adding a little ying to the yang and making me give up control to follow Him. I am overwhelmed while simultaneously in love with my life.
For those of you who don't know me, I am a control-freak to an unhealthy degree. I am bossy and I love lists, and I do not like change or spontaneity. Yet, the decisions I have made in my life are all steeped in uncertainty and chaos. For instance, I am married to a used car salesman. When we met in college, he supported himself by selling car parts on eBay and scrapping metal. He told me he would own his own car dealership one day and, by the grace of God, I believed him. That is exactly what he does-- he owns a dealership and is pretty successful. And as a person, he is incredibly spontaneous and can be severely disorganized--traits that drive me nuts! Yet, they are surprisingly attractive qualities. We also have 5 kids, ages 5 to 2nd trimester. That in itself should tell you that I have very little sanity left. I am an ER nurse--perhaps the most unpredictable of all nursing jobs. Even though I hate uncertainty, I seem to be drawn to it like a sky diver loves danger. I thrive and go mad in these very situations. I cannot explain why, because I am certainly a planner and perhaps a little OCD. The only reason that I think I am pulled to this madness is that God must be saving me from myself--adding a little ying to the yang and making me give up control to follow Him. I am overwhelmed while simultaneously in love with my life.
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