I love to work. I always have. When I met my husband he said he wanted 10 children and a stay-at-home wife. I laughed and said that he would have to be a stay-at-home dad because I wanted to work. I had grand delusions of rocketing through the nursing world so I could improve the lives of those in healthcare. I wanted to change the system for those who were often forgotten and improve it so more people would be satisfied in their jobs.
After Gigi (baby #2) was born, I grew restless in my job and sought an entry-level management job. The increased income was also enticing. I both loved and hated it with a passion. Nanna (baby #3) came along a little later. She was a very easy baby and it seemed like there was little interruption in our lives. We put our oldest, AJ, in Preschool and planned for the future of our children. Maybe the daycare/preschool at work that had great reviews? Maybe somewhere local so when our children began parochial school, they would know some other kids?
AJ adjusted well to the Christian preschool we eventually sent him to. He was 3, Gigi was 2, and Nanna was a baby. I worked 3-4 days a week, but not your typical hours. On at least 3 of the days I worked, the children would not see me at all. If I had classes or meetings, I may be gone even more. It didn't seem like a big deal at first, but we really noticed a difference as Nanna got older.
My sweet little baby became an emotional wreck! She switched from the most joyful child to the most difficult. Albert and mine's schedules for the children were vastly different so there was little consistency in our house. We did not want to put the other children in daycare for we both worked jobs that would allow them to be in our care all of the time. My son would rage against me on my off days and Gigi began to stutter uncontrollably. This all sounds like very obvious cries for help, but it truly took us a while to see it.
When I found out I was pregnant with Gus, I knew I had to make a change. Our lives could not go on with our children so miserable. We wanted to spend every waking moment with them (well, most of the time) so daycare was not an option. After weighing the impact of the pay cut I would have to take, we decided that it was time for a career move. I took a job as an ER nurse on nights.
Since we have made that transition, several things have changed. I now work weekend option nights so I have the weekdays free. Our children have become the children we know and love again. We are slowly working on a routine because they have never had one before. After looking at schools and all the options available, we decided it would be best to homeschool. This lack of involvement in their lives showed me how vitally important it is to spend as much time with our children as we can.
Sometimes, there is a twinge of longing to apply for that management job or start a consulting business to decrease employee turn-over. Sometimes, I yearn for the opportunities and the titles. But God has given me the important job of raising children. We chose to open ourselves up to as many children as God has planned, and with that comes different responsibilities. Albert can now focus on his business and we can help him as a family. I can instill fundamental values that are not always taught (or allowed to be taught) in our schools.
Now, I understand that this is not an option or desire for everyone. And I am not implying that if you choose to have an outstanding career that you are neglecting your children. This is simply our story. There are certainly many supportive people in our lives, but there are also many who do not understand why we choose to live as we do. I cannot say that we have an easy life, and as more children come it certainly won't get easier. It is definitely the life God has called us to, and I am so glad I finally got out of my own way to see it.
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